Saying Goodbye Again. . . and Again

. . . and yet again. Friends of ours are leaving. They found out 4 weeks ago and are moving back to Germany. Yes, you read that right. In 4 weeks time, they found out, packed their entire house and will be getting on a plane Monday to move to another country. So no more complaining about your moves, people. Their son is one of Josh's buddies (in fact he is one of the boys that was in the pic in the last post). I found my boyo crying one morning this week. When I asked him why, he said he was really going to miss Marcus. Last year at the end of the school year, Becca said goodbye to 4 friends. Another of our friends might be moving this summer. They don't know yet. I know this is just the nature of living in the expat community. People are always coming and going. The great thing is that new families are also moving in, but part of me just gets grumpy. Do I have to say goodbye again? And then on the other side of that equation, do you have to get to know another group of people only to say goodbye yet again in a year or two?

Please, don't misunderstand me. We absolutely love living here and cannot imagine moving back right now. BUT. . . I just don't want all my friends to move away either. [sigh] We have friends who have lived here for 10+ years. When they meet new people, they ask them straight out how long that family plans to live in China. If you answer anything less than 3 years, they just might spend less time with you. While that seems extreme, I can see their point. But the optimist in me, she just can't help it. She still reaches out and wants to get to know people. But for today, I am just going to wallow in my grumpy for a while. I am ignoring my optimist. She might be back tomorrow.

Maybe.

Chinese lesson 1.1

Now that I have been studying Chinese for a while, I feel it is my duty to share this knowledge with you all. Don't worry, I will go slow. Actually, I just want to teach some of our favorite words and phrases. Most of these are now so part of our lingo that even when we are speaking English sometimes we use one of these because it just says it so perfectly. So let the lessons commence.

But first, I feel like I need to give you a little background. Each Chinese character has a reading (the way you pronounce it) and meaning. Put various combinations of the 1000s of characters together and you form words. But unlike English, each character is usually a word on its own. But when combined with another character(s), it forms more complex words. Are you tracking with me so far? During the 1950s, someone came up with a way to transcribe these characters in order to teach. This pronunciation method is called pinyin. Nowadays, people also use pinyin to input Chinese into computers and when sending texts. But where it gets complicated is that while pinyin uses the English alphabet, most of the letters are not pronounced the same way. Are you still with me? 

Because it would be too complicated to teach you how to say each thing in pinyin, I will show you the character and the pinyin, but then in parenthesis I will write it out phonetically the way it sounds. Okay, we have all of that out of the way. Oh, wait. I forgot about the tones. Hmm, maybe we will leave that for another day. Just know that the marks above the letters mean something and we will get there.

One of our favorite and a very useful phrase/word is: 差不多 pinyin: chàbuduō (cha-boo-dwoe). The meaning:

1. Similar or about the same. e.g. You and I are about the same height. 差不多

2. Approximately or just about. This is my favorite usage. For example: Is the part for the machine the right size? 差不多. 

Do you know the way to go (when asking a taxi driver)? 差不多. Ah, the uses are endless.

Alright, that is the lesson for the day. Astound your friends and neighbors with your knowledge. Or at least, impress us when we come back this summer. 

Happiness is . . .

I was reading another blog yesterday and someone posted about things that made her happy. It reminded me of the day before when I had been looking back over pictures of the last year. And even before reading her blog, I was smiling and thinking of why each of those pictures made me happy. Really they made me happy because our kids, my amazing husband, and our crazy life makes me happy.  Those pictures made me happy because each one represented a memory, a fun experience. So in the midst of a week of sickness, I am reminded of what it is that brings me joy and happiness.

Happiness is . . .

. . . finding joy when things don't go as planned. When it is only 65°F for your beach vacation. But then that time turns out even better than what WE imagined.

. . . jumping in the waves in a sweatshirt.

 Happiness is . . .

. . . hearing the kids beg to "Read just one more chapter, Mom." 

. . . sharing the love of a great book together. When we travel, we take a book to read as a family. And we have literally read on a plane, while waiting for a train, in a boat, and while drinking yummy floats.

Happiness is . . .

. . . embracing every step of the journey. 

Happiness is . . .

. . . watching your kids grow in their self-confidence. And knowing that they are happy.

Happiness is . . .

. . . enjoying the ridiculousness of our kiddos. Tori was absolutely insistent that she was not going on the  Rafting Ride unless we guaranteed her that she would NOT get wet. 

Happiness is . . .

. . . cousins! Time with family is a precious thing, but it becomes an even more sacred and wonderful thing when you live so far away. (Though to be fair, this cousin and his Mom and Dad are practically our neighbors, living in Japan)

And most of all, happiness is . . .

. . . the adventure of life. The happy, healthy days and the sick, sad ones as well. 

So what is making you happy today?

A sleepy, sick week

This has been a week filled with tea, lots of vitamin C, naps, and not much else. Because when Mom is sick, then just not a lot of other things get done. I spent most of Monday and Tuesday on the couch. Fever, sore throat, chills, the works. This would be one of those times where I am so thankful for our ayi (house help). Yes, one of the perks of living in China is house help. And while I used to feel guilty (and honestly, if I could share her with you all, I would), but really I don't anymore. She is such a blessing to our family, and I know that we are same to her (she has said as much). But anyway, she made dinner, picked up kids and just kept things running smoothy. 

Finally, Wednesday as I was turning the corner, Tori stayed home from school complaining that her tummy was hurting. That afternoon, I got a call from the kids' school that Becca had a headache and wanted to come home. This would be one of those moments where it is more difficult being in China. I couldn't just drive over and pick her up. In order to get her, I need to call my driver and have him pick me up, wait for the 20 minutes for him to arrive from the company, drive to her school (another 25-30 minutes) and then back. No, not a simple solution. So, since the school was letting out for an early dismissal in just an hour, I told her to hang in there and just come home on the bus. Seems heartless, but it was going to get her home quicker than the other method. And last night, Josh complaining that his head was hurting and he didn't feel well, voluntarily went to bed at 7. Today, he woke up with a fever of 39°C (103°F). I debated going to class, but even though our ayi was going to be here this morning, I stayed home. Cause I just had a feeling that my boyo would want me. About an hour later, I knew this was the right decision. "Mommy! Mommy!" Josh was hollering for me. I ran upstairs to see what he needed.

"What's wrong, buddy? Can I get something to drink for you? What do you need?"

"Nothing. I just wanted you, Mommy." My heart melts to hear my big boy say this.

So as he dozes, I am sitting here beside him. Typing and loving on him. That's the kind of week it has been for us. I hope that your week has been healthier than ours!

Parent-Teacher Meeting with a twist

Yesterday, I had to go to a Parent-Teacher Meeting at Tori's school.

***Keep in mind through the rest of this post that this entire meeting was conducted in Chinese. They spoke Chinese. I stuttered along in Chinese. No English was spoken. Just getting that out there.***

 I arrived at the school and we were directed to a room and given hot tea. I had received a note last week that there would be a meeting, but couldn't quite discern what the topic of discussion was going to be. Because, you guessed it, the note was in Chinese. All total there was about 25-30 parents/grandparents. One of the teachers started the meeting welcoming everyone and thanking us for attending. She explained that we were going to be talking about _______________ and they wanted to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions. Seriously, that is all that I understood. I kept listening, hoping that she would further explain it. But, oh no. Her next words were: "And to start off we will hear from our foreigner parent." My heart stopped. And all eyes were on me. I started to explain that my ideas may not be the same as theirs, but I was looking forward to hearing others' opinions as well. I mean, what else could I say? Thankfully, at this point, the teacher interrupted me and introduced me to the other parents. Then maybe she could tell I was totally lost and had pity on me. Because she then re-asked the question: "Why do you pick your child up early from school?"

Yes. Thank you, Wang Laoshi! I explained that I pick Tori up early 2 days a week to teach her to read in English. The teacher then moved on to asking other parents what their reasons were for picking their children. The kids did not like the food, had trouble sleeping at school, got sick when they slept there, . . . After they had heard all of our opinions, there was a teacher that I had not met who spoke. Just for the record, they told us his title - I think he was with the bureau of teaching - but I kind of missed that part. He explained that they were then going to discuss each of these issues and hopefully could come to an agreement.

So, he turned to me and said first we will discuss teaching English. Just for the record, I really liked this teacher. He listened well and really wanted to understand each individual viewpoint. We then (and by we, I mean: the male teacher asked me questions, I answered them, and all the other parents sat there and listened) discussed what/how/why I teach Tori for the next 10 minutes. Actually, it could have been longer. I know that it felt like 30 minutes, but maybe that was just my nervousness? He wanted to know why I was teaching her. I explained that at some point we would go back to America and Tori would need to know how to read so she could attend school in English. At this point, he asked: what language do we speak at home? English. Was I just teaching her to speak? no, to read English books

And this is where it got confusing for him. The concept of "teaching to read" is a newer concept in China. Especially teaching phonics. Most often, when Chinese learn English they learn it much like they do Chinese characters - through memorization of whole words. I tried explaining it further, but could tell he was just not quite understanding me. Thankfully he moved on to helping me try to "solve" this problem. Could Tori learn to read in the evenings? I explained that I have other children who are home in the evenings and we often have other things going on. I also told him that she goes to bed early so there was not enough time. After what seemed like a long time, he moved on to address the other issues. Thankfully, I did not have to talk again.

When the meeting was over, I approached the principal's assistant for clarification and asked her: So, I will or will not be allowed to pick up Tori early any more? She said, no that I could still pick her up early. Huh? There is so much about this whole experience that could be a lesson in cross culture awareness. Like the wanting to address all of these issues as a group all the way through to that even if there is a rule sometimes there is an exception. Honestly, though when I left I wasn't even thinking about that. I was EXHAUSTED. And I really wanted chocolate. Because even though I speak Chinese a lot on a given day, there was just a different kind of pressure in this environment. Most of the time I am speaking with friends who like me no matter how bad my Chinese is. Or shopkeepers/taxi drivers/general people I don't know. Can I just say again that learning a language keeps you so humble? So everyone reading out there, if you come across someone in the US (or where ever) who doesn't speak English well, give them some grace. Think of me, living here for almost 3 years, and still not fluent, and give them some extra patience. But because I am too much of an optimist not to look at the bright side, my listening comprehension in the midst of this was pretty good. I think I got about 85% of what was being said. I just hope it doesn't take another 3 years of studying this hard for my speaking to catch up with my listening!

My ride

Friends of ours have been back in US for a while and I have been borrowing their e-bike. They are coming back tomorrow and [gasp] I will have to give it back! Andy has already conceded the inevitable -- there is an e-bike in our very near future. And I have been pondering exactly what I want in a bike. But above you can see the kids and I after eating out with friends. I must say that while it is really common to have more than 1 person on a bike (actually, who are we kidding, it is really common to have more than 2), the 3 blondes kind of take it to the next level. And we get quite the looks with all 4 of us on the bike. Now before you get super worried about me transporting all the kids this way, it is not like being on a bike in the US. Most roads have a special bike lane and the cars are just much more used to watching for bikes. All that being said, I still only have a very limited radius that I will take all the kids on the bike with me (1-2 blocks). So I have gone from a minivan to this. Quite the change, don't you think?

Bus misadventures

Part of my daily routine is taking the bus (mostly to and from the university). And there is nothing like public transportation to get a window into Chinese culture. Friday seemed to be a day full of adventures and misadventures on the bus. To start the morning off, I was almost to the stop when I saw my bus pull up at the stop and pull away. (sigh) Maybe that should have told me how the rest of day was going to follow. Shortly after, another bus pulls up, I endure the jam-packed bus and transfer like normal. But on my second bus, I was able to snag a seat (always a rarity in the mornings). When we were almost to my stop, an elderly woman got on. I motioned to her and told her that I would give her my seat. We argued about it -- this always happens, it is really a courtesy thing. I have heard it said that in Chinese culture you need to offer something 3 times and if it is still declined then it was truly not wanted. I have never had to insist more than twice to get someone to take my seat. As we were arguing, I was getting up and moving down the stairs, but as I stepped down the first step the bus lurched forward and I fell. Now I was not hurt, just seriously embarassed. Ah, well. Then after class, I stopped on my way to the bus stop to get fruit. When I was still some distance away, I saw my bus pull up to the stop. I sprinted down the bike lane waving my arms wildly. (Mind you, I am carrying a bunch of fruit and my bag filled with my textbooks) But it worked and the driver waited for me! I climbed onto the bus and driver laughingly asked me if I ran all the way from the uni. Smiling I answered that I did. I got a seat in the back and tried to catch my breath. Midway through my ride home, I once again gave up my seat (this time without falling). I moved closer to the back door. This older woman, usually called a nainai (grandmother) began a conversation with me. She started out by noticing my fruit and asking how much I paid for each thing. Then she proceeded to tell me that the oranges I bought weren’t any good. Though she did approve of the strawberries and the price that I paid for them. Next we transitioned into the normal: where are you from? why are you here in China? Then she asked me to guess how old she was. I paused. I mean, what if I guessed wrong (especially too high) and offended her? So I guessed 60, and it turns out she was in her 70s. She laughed and said that I was close. She proceeded to guess that I was 25. I corrected her though I am not sure that she believed me until I told her that I have 3 children. But the craziest thing is that throughout our conversation she kept telling me: "您是我们的客人- Ni shi womende keren." (You are our guest -- meaning here in China) And that I should not give up my seat since I was their guest. Finally, as she got off the bus she insisted that I take her seat and told the ENTIRE BUS that I was their guest and should have a seat. So, I did the only thing I could and sat down. What an experience!

Life

This is the post where I go completely random. So stay with me people. (Keep in mind that a line of ***** is my way of telling you that there is another thought coming). Looking back through the last several posts, I just haven't talked that much about the kiddos. Life is just marching right along for them. It seems that every time I turn around they have grown [again] and need new clothes and shoes. In just a month Becca will be 10. I know that I will talk more about this as it approaches, but it is amazing that my first baby is getting so big. And the crazy thing is that many of our friends here often meet her and think that she is older. While part of that is her height (she is over 5 ft or 1.5M), really it is her maturity. She has recently begun knitting. She and another friend in our neighborhood have started a small business knitting things for other kids stuffed animals. They even created their own currency. She is so like her father in that regard! Cause I know that never had an urge to sell things like she does. She keeps telling me that I should open up a restaurant or bakery. I reply, "I will if she organizes it."

wait, when did she turn into a teenager?

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This has been such a great year for Josh. We have seen him grow and really become comfortable with who he is. And what a great journey that has been. He is forever our sweet one, but this year he has discovered even more about himself. He loves football (or soccer) and plays daily with his friends. But our boy who was once such a homebody, that his ideal day would be to stay at home, now has plans. One Saturday a couple weeks ago he informed us at breakfast that he was going to be at friends all day. This has also transferred into our traveling. He loves to travel or go on as we term them "adventures." Seeing new things, exploring new countries, and of course figuring out where everything is on a map. He was the one that I worried most about with our move to China. As he cried when anyone would mention China in the months before our move, we felt such guilt! I kept thinking, "what are we doing to him? will he ever be okay with this big change?" But as we look at him now, and see the many ways our life here has shaped him, and we are thankful.

our adventuring little man exploring in the jungles of Vietnam

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And T, our little 美恩 . I continue to look at her and wonder how our life here is shaping her. Who knows? But she is embracing the journey. Honestly, I don't think she even sees it as unique. It is just her life and she considers that normal.

I love these moments. We didn't ask him to read to her. He just loves to read and so when she asked, of course he said: yes. And he does the best voices when reading aloud to her. Melts my heart every time.

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And Chinese class is. I don't know how say that more. It is. . . hard. Yep. Interesting, sure. And this week brought another 60 words to learn. Yesterday I had a talk with a Chinese friend and pretty much our whole conversation was in Chinese. Sometimes I had to revert to English for a word that I don't know. But that is one of my main goals for these next couple of months is to talk more and more in Chinese. 2 years in (of studying full-time) and I am not even close to being fluent. Such a hard language! Occasionally, I take moments out from writing the characters (and writing, and writing, and writing some more. unfortunately, the ONLY way to learn to write them is to do it hundreds of times), and wonder what my next step is. Do I continue on with classes? Look for a job? Volunteer more? Right now, I am unsure. Though one thing we don't see in our immediate future is going back to the US. Somehow, while life is good and easier there, it just doesn't seem like the right place for us. Because life here is also rich and wonderful. Challenging, yes. Frustrating at times, definitely. But oh, so rewarding. In those intangible ways that are hard to identify. But I look forward to seeing what they are with you along our journey.

Oh, Crabs!

Every Chinese New Year, we often get gifts from our drivers. Before we go on, I will answer the question that is going through your mind: You have a driver? Yes, I have a driver. Well, to be more precise the company has 2 drivers and sometimes they drive me places. As I have blogged about before, Andy has his Chinese driver's license so most of the time (unless he driving farther distances or going into Shanghai) he drives himself. At this point, I should give a little background. While driving and owning a car is becoming more common, majority of people in China do not drive and instead rely on public transportation or bike/e-bikes. So when someone from the company needs to go to the bank, the Customs bureau, the Tax bureau, . . . it is the drivers that take them. And then if the drivers are available, they can drive me places as well. I tell you, I live in a surreal world at times. Though on a daily basis, I more commonly take the bus or ride my e-bike. Anyway, to get back to the story at hand. One of our drivers who has been with us for the last 2 years (and incidentally is my favorite) brought us a gift from his hometown. Well, he actually bought us two gifts. The first was a box of 45 eggs. And while that is (slightly) unusual, it was nothing to compared to other. The second was a box of crabs. As I inspected the box, I must confess that I was rather fearful of opening it and having crabs crawl out! So I cautiously opened it (Andy was traveling, so the task fell to me), and to my relief it only contained 2 packages of crabs. We gave one away, but the other is just sitting on our counter. And while Andy and I are willing to try a lot of things, I am not sure that this will be one of them. They just seem so small that the effort would not be worth the rewards. It is amazing -- if you look close, there are at least 30-40 in this small container! Hungry, anyone?

From the minds of children. . .

come the craziest, funniest thoughts.

Last night when I called her for dinner, Tori announced to me that her pig was pregnant. She told me that she couldn't get leave her because the baby was about to come. I told her to bring the pig downstairs that way she could help her at the right time. In the midst of dinner, Tori suddenly jumped up and said "I have to go help the pig." I walked over to observe and this is the sight that greeted me:

Yes, indeed, her pig was giving birth. Unfortunately Andy was at a business dinner so he missed the excitement (and hilarity). Later when I showed him, we laughed so hard our sides hurt. I don't know if you can tell, but this is a pig puppet and she placed another baby pig inside, and voila -- pregnant pig about to deliver. Who taught her this? I am laughing even now as I type. I mean, how can you look at that picture and NOT laugh. Man, that girl. So are you cracking up with me or thinking whoa, too much information?

Spring? And other random musings

Spring has been slowly creeping up on us with flashes of beauty and warmth. Like the trees that are flowering about the city. Currently it is 9°C (48°F for my US friends), but I have hopes of warmer days. Spring, or at least what I think of as true Spring weather is rather short here in Suzhou. We linger in the lower teens (high 40s-low 50s) with threats of rain and then all of the sudden we jump up to the high 20s (low 80s). Somehow we skip, or least move very quickly though my favorite temps. You know the days where you wear jeans and just a shirt with maybe a sweater, but by the afternoon it is warm enough to wear just ONE layer? Oh, those are the days. But unfortunately, during Spring those days are shy and just don't come that often. But today, in spite of my many layers (and yes, we are still working the long underwear -- even under the jeans!), the sun and this beautiful flowering tree gave the promise that Spring is indeed on her way and will be visiting us shortly.

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In other news, it seems that all of that studying worked and the characters did indeed stick (for now). So for today, maybe not tomorrow because my brain is getting older and more like a sieve, I can write the character for earthquake. Just in case you ever need to know it. I came home after class to work with Tori on reading, and let me tell you I wonder what is in the future for our littlest. She is so creative that she takes my breath away and constantly astounds me. Just today, she wondered why she couldn't fly and asked if she could talk to God about helping her to fly. She then proceeded to earnestly pray that God would help her fly and was disappointed when she still couldn't. But I have to love her faith that what she asks for will be given. But being T, she was not down for long, instead just decided that she would be a pilot so she could fly. Of each of our children, she is having the most unique experience here in China. She attends a school where she is the only foreigner, where Chinese is spoken all day (rarely a word of English), and she sees this as normal. She asked me last week what her job will be when she is a grown up living in China. I told her that she may not live in China, she might live in the US or somewhere else. She then asked, "Or Vietnam? Or Thailand?" Of course, I answered that she might live any of those places. We just didn't know what the future held. She looked at me and said, "I might live somewhere else." When I asked her if they spoke a different language what would she do, she promptly responded with, "It's ok, Mommy. I am really good at learning languages."

And that my friends, is just one of the many reasons why life is good on the other side of the world. ;-)

No stopping the Progress

As we go about life here it is easy to forget or overlook all the development happening around us. Sometimes we glance, but don't really look. Look, but don't truly observe. I looked up at the bus station where I transfer buses every morning and was surprised to be greated by the sight above. Huh. Didn't even notice that they had started to demolish the buildings and now they are clearing out the rubble. And the crazy part is that in another week the rubble will be gone. But this lot won't stand empty, oh no, before long it will be another apartment building or office tower. But as I snapped the pic, and it got me to thinking about all those I care about around me. How often do I glance at them, but not really see? Ask what is happening in their lives, but not hear the deeper stuff. Because life marches on and if we don't stop sometimes to just be with a friend or our kids, then those opportunities are lost. And that is my vow (or hope or whatever you what to call it), to take the time, to show others that I care, and not just be swept up by life. How did I get from building demolition to here? Ah, this is what happens when you have time to ponder life when taking the bus.

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So (which is really just a way for an abrupt transition), school has started again. Level 4. Yikes! Am I really ready to study level 4 Chinese? But here we go, ready or not. I must confess that I was super excited to buy my school supplies. No clue why. Maybe it makes me feel like a kid again? But I went a couple days ago and got new pencils, erasers, notebooks, and character books (kind of like handwriting books, but made specially to write characters in). And after only 2 days of class, I have a quiz on my 40 new vocab words tomorrow. On that note, I am off to write these words several more times and just maybe they will stick in my brain.

Hope you as well can take the time to show those you care about just why they are important to you.