musings

So, November 3rd, where did you come from? In fact, where did the whole month of October go? As we are starting into November, I feel like we have established some good routines with our homeschooling. The kids are understanding my expectations of them and are becoming much more self-directed. In adoption news, we are STILL waiting for our LID [log-in-date] because of one tiny piece of paper. Or should I say, lack of said piece of paper. I must confess that I find that a bit frustrating. I hear stories of people who get their paperwork done in record time with no muss or fuss. And I have to tell you, that has not been us.

What happened in October? We had the first week off and enjoyed a wonderful staycation here in Suzhou. Andy traveled the following week and we resumed school and life as normal. From then the month seems a bit of a blur. We had our first field trip with our homeschool coop. Of course, true to my normal, I didn't take ANY pictures of our time. I lugged the camera all around in the bag and didn't use it. I am amazed at the moms who have more children than I, and their blogs are filled with beautiful photographs. Maybe that is something I can aspire to. I think that maybe a more reasonable goal for me would be a decent photo accompanying each post.

And then I would fail that this time as I have absolutely no pictures to post. [sigh] Maybe next time.

Home study

Last Thursday we had our home study. At first when I thought about it, I wasn't really too worried. But then I got to thinking more. Of course all that thinking just prompted more worries. Our home is just not like a typical American home. How, you ask? First off, construction-wise it is just not built like an American home and therefore has some quirkiness. In our damp climate, we battle mold year-round (and sometimes we do not win). Our house is mostly constructed out of concrete. With no insulation. This makes our home somewhat drafty. We know and are used to it (hence the many layers we wear). And then to top it all off, we have an ayi -- househelp. I have heard stories about families here whose ayi was included in the home study report and then US Immigration wanted a slew of paperwork on her. Background checks, medical tests, the list goes on. Doesn't that just sound daunting?

Add to the fact that we would be hosting the two women that were coming and this was not going to be your normal visit. They stayed at a hotel, but we were their guides. I met them at the airport in Shanghai and we had the opportunity to talk on the van ride home. We made arrangements that they would come to our house for lunch the next day and we would talk in the afternoon. 

While having them here for lunch was just practical, I think that it set the tone for the entire visit. It was such a relaxed affair. For most of the study, we were on the couches having coffee and tea and just talking. Yes, they asked their tons of questions. But the tone settling over the whole day was one of comfort. In fact, one of the women said that she had never been that relaxed doing a home study.

After all their questions were done, we had the opportunity to get some of ours answered. Our agency is wonderful and has been very helpful, but there are some real limitations when you are operating on opposite time zones. It was so good to sit and just talk with them. And while I know that there is a child, our son in the future, with the myriad of paperwork, it can seem so distant. But talking with them about potential issues just made him seem real. I was describing it to a friend via email the other day that it is like when you are pregnant, but nothing has really changed. But then one day, there is movement and that baby is truly real. That was the home study for me, movement. A step in the right direction. A step closer to our son.

And now, we wait some more. We finally figured out the medical test issue and will have our tests tomorrow. But I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as far as paperwork goes.

adoption update

With the holidays over and Chinese New Year looming around the corner, my list of things to get done seems huge. At times things progress smoothly and at others we seem at a standstill. We have requested countless papers. I have discovered that my FedEx number does NOT work when shipping things from China. I have figured out where to notarize and ways to get money orders (ask a friend in the US to do it for you). 

But we are still firmly in the paperchasing mode. We hope to have our home study after the new year (Chinese New Year, the only one that really counts here). So I am in a race to gather everything that is needed before we leave for our holiday in 16 days.

Though mostly it is slow, I am encouraged to see things checked off my great list. Well, actually my bulletin board.

If only I could move a few more things to the FINISHED column.

Will keep you posted as things progress. Right now it is just frustrating and a little hard to be doing this from China. I know that we will reach a part of the progress that will be easier (like visas- already DONE or travel, that will be no problem). But for now, I am off to figure out just how to get the forms for our physicals notarized. Because for some reason the doctor is unwilling to accompany us to the consulate to have them notarized {and yes, there was just a little sarcasm there}.

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Because this humored me in the grocery store this past week, I feel the need to share.

Just what makes the brown sugar maternal? FYI - the literal translation is pregnant brown sugar. Which is still not making any sense to me. I opted not to buy this kind. Was leery of how brown sugar could get pregnant or be maternal.

at home with the littlest

Monday Tori came home from school not feeling well. That night all she wanted to do was lay down or snuggle with me. I knew that little T was not herself so when she woke up Tuesday morning with a fever I was not surprised. After the others left for school, she settled in on the couch for a movie and was asleep before it was over. She woke up later telling me that her brain hurt (Tori lingo for a headache). Naps, books, and movies was the course for our day.

While I was disappointed to miss out on some of the plans I had for the day, I must confess that I was glad to be forced to stay at home. For when T napped, I tackled paperwork. I finally figured out the best course of action for the silly money order. Will mail it to a friend stateside who will include a money order and then mail it to the county office. That is a lot of work for $2! I also finished our Christmas letters. And gathered the rest of the documents that need to be notarized when we go to Shanghai on Friday. Though it seems like a slow start, I feel like we are gaining momentum in tackling all of this.

In other news, the countdown is on until the end of school. The kids have their last day next Friday, 16 December. They will be off for 2 weeks, back to school for 2 weeks and then Chinese New Year begins. The next month+ is going to be a whirlwind.

paperwork hurdles

And the great paperwork chase is on. But at this point, those papers are seeming elusive.

I know that for anyone who goes through the adoption process gathering the papers is overwhelming and at times frustrating. But doing it from another country is just adding a new dimension to it.

The papers we can request online are not a big deal. But unfortunately, there are few of those. But the first hurdle is. . . any guesses?

Notarization.

Ugh. Okay, let's be fair. It is possible to get things notarized in China. BUT it means making a trek to Shanghai. What in the States would be a 5 minute trip to any post office, bank, . . . (and the list goes on), is going to be a 2+ hour drive each way. Just to get the forms notarized. So I am currently gathering everything that could possibly need notarization for a trip in to the consulate this Saturday.

But as I was filling out a form today, I came across this: We cannot accept personal checks, please send a money order or cashier's check for $2. Umm. Money order? Cashier's check? From China? Somehow I don't even think that the consulate will be able to help me with this one. I am seriously tempted to send this in with the form:

Thoughts?

Beginning the journey

About a month ago I alluded to the fact that we were pondering great, big, deep things. That I needed some time to digest and think it through without the blog. But since it is now official (meaning that we have sent money in), I can share our deep ponderings. We are planning to add to our family through adoption. While much is uncertain, I can share what I know at this point and how we arrived at this decision.


You might be wondering why we are choosing to adopt. And since we are planning to pursue adopting a special needs child, I know there will be additional questions. There are a lot of reasons that go into this. And because I understand you have questions, I will try to answer some of the ones I have heard already. Hopefully I am successful.


Why add another child, you already have 3 children?

ANSWER: While that is true, we have 3 beautiful children. Andy and I have always talked that we would like 3 or maybe 4 children. And have felt recently that our family is ready for another. For us, it is not about the inability to conceive. I am sure that if we wanted we could conceive another child. But we are choosing to add to our family through adoption. I think that the idea of adopting started when I was running after school programs in Cincy. I saw so many foster kids come through. They would be with us for a couple weeks. Then gone. Sometimes back again. I just knew that if they were rooted in just one home with love these kids would flourish. Andy and I talked then that we would be interested in fostering children or adopting down the road. Then we moved to China and the idea was put on hold. But the idea came back again. And again.

Why adopt from China?

ANSWER: The first easy answer to that is we are here. As we prepared to move here, we were still talking about the possibility of adopting. Much as we had been led to China in Andy's job, we also felt the pull to look at adopting from China as well. Over the last year Andy and I have both felt the desire to adopt from the country that is our current home.


Why are you considering/pursuing special needs?


ANSWER: This is perhaps the hardest question to answer. Each child that is adopted is in fact a special needs child. They will need extra love and care. They will possibly have medical issues that are unknown. And if we had a biological child with special needs, we would be walking that road and giving that child all that we have to offer. But as we have felt that we want to pursue adopting, I have felt from the beginning that we should at least be open to a special needs child. During these past months Andy and I have both moved from just being open to special needs to seriously considering it to deciding that it most likely the path we will take.

I know that this has probably just whetted your appetite for more information. But hopefully this gives a little insight into our some of our reasons. And the next big question is:

How long will the adoption take?


ANSWER: This is also a hard one to answer. Our timeline is going to be different from someone waiting in the US. But I think that the overall process should be about 18 months to 2 years. A lot of this will depend on how long it will take to gather our paperwork (an added challenge for us doing it from the other side of the world). But overall there is a lot of uncertainty about the time and there will be a whole lot of waiting.